Today Selah informed me that when she is a mommy I will be the grandma.
That made me smile.
Then she assured me that when she’s a mommy she will buy me pretty earrings and necklaces.
And again I smiled.
They are so precious. The way their little minds work.

But tonight as I think over our little conversation my heart hurts…

What I would give to be able to buy my mommy pretty earrings and necklaces.
To hear my kids call her grandma.

Tomorrow marks twenty years.
Without her smile.
Her laugh.
Her wisdom.

Twenty years.
With a piece of my heart missing.

Twenty years.
Finding my own way as a woman.
Twelve of those as a wife.
Eight of those as a mom myself.

I’ve missed this space.
This place where I can pour out my heart.

Where I can share silly stories.
Or fun recipes.
Or just simply document our family exactly as we are today.
In this moment.

But lately, life has felt a little like it’s on fast forward.
Sometimes the days feel long and yet also feel like they are gone in the blink of an eye.
(know what I mean?)

And I just don’t have time (or energy, or creativity) to come on here…
but I miss it.

I miss you.
Yes, YOU!!

I am still getting use to having four littles.
Four.

My sweet Elliot Joy.
A year ago today we welcomed you to our little family.
We grew from five to six.
You were an answer to our prayers.
You completed us.

In the last year you have brought so much to our family.
Joy.
Laughter.
And so, so much love.
I can’t say enough about how much I adore you.

Do you have a certain recipe that reminds you of a special time in your life? Where each and every time you have it you are transported back to that magical day when you first enjoyed it?

I do.

When we had each of our kids my Grandma made us a wonderful homemade dinner the night we came home from the hospital.
She spoiled us with a delicious swiss steak meal complete with rice, salad, vegs and usually some kind of fruit. She also sent along this cake. Each and every time I have it, it reminds me of the days we brought home our brand new fresh from heaven babes.

This cake reminds me of that special first day home.