This past week I have been getting up at 5 am.
Craziness.
FIVE. IN THE MORNING.
If you are a morning person you may be thinking, umm…..what’s the big deal?
As a night owl I am here to tell you it is a VERY big deal.

For the past 10 years since having our first baby I have been (unsuccessfully) trying to morph into a morning person. It hasn’t been for lack of effort. The intentions are there. The desire clear. I want to love getting up. Somehow though, the morning rolls around and I am just mad that I have to wake up. I wish I could jump out of bed with pep in my step, but alas, I must resort to forcing my body up. Willing my eyes to open. Giving myself just 5 (ahem 15) more minutes.

I am now more than halfway through my “7” fast.
I have done food, clothing, possessions and today I am finishing up media.

I can honestly say that God is wrecking me. It’s hard to put into words but I want to document what He is doing in my heart, so I’m going to try and write out what’s been going on. Here goes….

I saw a post today on a friends facebook page.
She was upset about something someone else did and shared her thoughts on her page. Soon after there were many comments backing her up. Cheering alongside her. Like an angry mob, they joined in her cause.

But here’s the thing. I didn’t agree with her.

I even started to write out a comment, simply pointing out that there was a different side to the coin…. but then I took a second, thought about it, and deleted it. What did I hope to accomplish? Would I start an ugly debate, and fuel the already angry flames?

For a long time I have felt unsettled in my heart.
It’s been too hard to explain it and so I haven’t really tried to write about it here. I haven’t even really tried to talk about it with many people. And when I do, it seems to come out all wrong.

This morning I read this in my devotions and it just so perfectly explains the inner battle I have been having.