A cold dark winter road that seems to stretch on forever.

If you had asked me last week to describe what my relationship with God “felt” like, that is what I would have said.

Most days I had the ability to numb myself to the elements. I could go about my day and not really notice the fact that I felt so alone, but if I took the time to really think about it, I did in fact feel deserted.
I really missed the closeness I once had with God. It felt like he was so very far away. And try as I may I just could not find Him. A lasting Him. Not simply a moments Him.

I am about to share with you the best snack ever.
Ever.
Growing up, these were Grandpa’s specialty.
He would make them for us as a special treat whenever we were visiting.
I can easily remember him standing at the table making them for us as we sat excitedly, hoping to get the first plateful.

Most days I am fine.
Most days I am not even aware of it.
But some days, some days it sneaks up on me.
I will be going about my day when all of a sudden I am nearly knocked over.

By grief.

There are moments when I am frozen by it. And it seems to just cover me like a heavy blanket.
It brings me back to my little 10 year old self standing in that hospital room.
It brings me back to all the years without her.
I miss her.
I miss her more than I can possibly explain.

Ok, so that was scary being in front on the camera….
but actually a little fun too.