That mom I swore I’d never be.
And the more I try to fight it, the more I seem to drown in it.I can be easily frustrated
impatient
lazy
and sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I YELLLLLLLLLLLLLL at my kids.
Ugh.
I tend to start the day out great.
My girls usually get the best of me.
I can get through (most of) the day with a smile on my face and a skip in my step.
I can calmly live through the toddler tantrums.
I can hold my cool through my preschoolers screams when she doesn’t get her way.
I whistle as I do the dishes.
And hum while I do the laundry (well not really, but you get the idea.)
Most days I am the mom I want to be….. most days until about 4pm.
From 4 until the time Daddy gets home I find myself changing from a patient, tolerant, loving mommy into a crazy mean monster of a mom.
All my patience seems to run out by then and the laziness creeps in. I don’t want to break up any more sibling fights. I don’t want to hear the whining. I don’t want to hear the attitude. I just don’t want to be needed anymore.
And just as my girls seem to get the best of me, my son seems to get the worst.
He gets the yelling.
He gets the impatient answers.
The shooing away.
The “go figure it out yourself” version of me.
Because by that point in the day (I tell myself) I have nothing left. I have already broken up enough fights. I have already heard enough whining. And all I want to do is make dinner in peace.
So when his little attitude creeps in I FREAK OUT.
When he complains about having to do his chores I YELL.
When he whines about having to practice the piano I THREATEN.
And it’s not fair.
It’s not fair that he doesn’t get the same grace my girls get throughout the day.
Recently, my sweet friend Beth posted a link to a fabulous article:
How to Bring Peace to the Witching Hour.
And I was convicted.
I was convicted of giving into my laziness.
Of letting my anger take over.
I was reminded of how I try to do it all myself and in doing so fail miserably.
I need to choose Grace. The person Grace.
The one who patiently changes my attitude.
The one who never tires of hearing my whining.
Who never yells at me when I sit there complaining about this thing or that.
The One who doesn’t resort to threatening me to get me to do something He wants me to do.
I need to come to Grace and fill up on Him so that He can freely flow through me.
I need to make a conscious effort to recognize that these hours at the end of the day are going to be hard.
And knowing that, I can plan ahead to make them go a little easier.
See, I believe that Grace led me to that article.
He knew how to speak right to the core of my problem.
He knew how to open up my eyes to my need for Him.
But He also knew I needed practical ideas to help me change.
And I needed them now.
Today.
So, I am going to implement routine into our witching hours.
I will have dinner planned ahead of time.
And I am going to make a conscious effort to whisper at my kids when all I really want to do is yell.
I will try harder to model for my kids how I can control myself, so that they will learn how to do it too.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any other tips or techniques on how to control the yelling?
Please continue to show me who you are and how I can be more like you.
Forgive my selfishness.
All I think about at that point in my day is me.
Me. Me. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Help me to think of You.
Of what you have called me to do as a mama to these precious little ones.
Thank you for trusting me with them,
and for forgiving me when I mess up.
Thank you for showing me how I can change.
I want to.
Love,
a mama who is learning to choose Grace.
I love Jesus, my guy Chris + our four. We seek joy. Homeschool. Adventure together. Mess up and start again.
Sara, I am right there with you! I have really struggled this past week with my daughter Grace – mainly her not listening & trying to take things one step further when I tell her to do something (or stop doing something). I have been that mom that I never wanted to be! I have screamed at her and been impatient & short. I have burst into tears and had to ask Grace for her forgiveness. Being the sweet girl that she is, she has forgiven me and hugged me and comforted ME in my ugliness – when I was the one who was so nasty to her. It's amazing to see the grace flow through her to me. I am reading The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. It's kicking my butt! Have you read it?
Perhaps it's all too perfect that I am reading this at just after 4 in the afternoon…supper is half done, but here I sit because I am looking for an outlet for me (when I know it really can't be about me).
Just yesterday I told Chris that everyday at 4pm (seems we struggle at the same time) I think God made some horrible mistake in making me a Mom. Thank you for your honesty Sara…because I see myself in your post. The yelling, the frustration, the not being the Mom I want to be. I love the whispering idea and I also liked the idea of "no screen time after 3:00" that was in the article. That was very convicting given what time it is right now.
So….back to dinner & back to my Littles, but wanting to say thanks and to let you know you're not alone in your struggles. I try to remind myself on a daily basis that God's mercies are new every morning (because heaven knows I need them!)
Hugs to you 🙂
Sara, that has been my biggest surprise & disappointment in myself as a mamma! To hear that I can yell, and yes, I mean YELL too.
Lately I've found more patience in those moments; I save our dvd time for 4pm as I know I want to make dinner & everyone's a bit ready for pappa to come home. It's not every day we need one, but on days we do, I'm thankful to have them! (and when I can, I sit with them & hold them. It's my way of loving on them without needing to be so much to them.)
Another thing I learned from Lindsay is that she has one or two nights a week that she tries to make enough for leftovers. That takes a bit of stress off in making dinner.
I absolutely love the whispering idea – one I plan on using too! One thing I do is literally – and out loud – is ask God to help me in the yucky, trying moments! We do a lot of praying around here throughout our days.
Remember what my SIL told me: (and it's not a copout, but rather a reminder of God's grace in creating resiliance in our kids); as long as children receive love & security, we can make mistakes 50% of the time & they will not be shaken. I have witnessed this in my terrible moments as a mamma, when I go to little G & say hey, I'm so sorry. And we talk. Then a few moments later he'll tell me he loves being at home with me. (and it's always then that tears stream down my face!).
God's mercies are new every morning. And I think most of us mammas wake up believing for a new day.
And just for the record, I think you're a phenominal mamma, woman & friend! And I see how much your children adore you!
Beautiful, Sara! God is working in you!!
i've written about this before, being "that mom."
i'm discovering that the more i choose to look for grace the easier it is to find.
last week for my birthday blessings my family sat at the table and gave me their blessings for the year (this a family tradition). michael praised the ways i was learning to "not sweat the small stuff." emilie told me i had become "a lot more gracious over the last year."
keep seeking grace friend. keep growing in it, bit by bit, until grace consumes you. until your old habits that you typically fall back to become your grace habits.
much love!
oh how i needed this… because my impatience/frustrations most times grows out of laziness or pure selfishness where i am trying to steal a few minutes alone. it is not pretty. i don't want to be that mom. i don't want my kids to remember that about me. thanks for sharing the link.
love you friend.
I am wiping tears off my keyboard.
I so needed this. Just tonight, I had "one of those nights"…when the baby did nothing but hang like a monkey off me, the girls were arguing…and Kyler- man where is Kyler? Never good. ha! See I can laugh now, because they're all tucked peacefully into bed. But I can seriously just feel my blood boil on those hard days in the midst of the chaos. Life can get the best of me and I don't like that. I want my FAMILY to have the best of me. Every day. Because in the blink of an eye it's gone.
I have no advice. I'm still learning. But I can say that prayer in the midst of it goes a long way for me. And I constantly remind myself of "the bigger picture". Will this moment matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Because sometimes it is the "little stuff"…and other times it something that needs to be addressed.
I say all of this…but the truth is that I fall flat on my face sometimes. And that's when I realize that I need more time with my heavenly father. When I fill up of Him, I always come away with more to give.
But all of this you know, Sara. Sometimes it's just nice to hear a reminder. And thank God for grace, grace, grace. I need it and I appreciate it, haha!
He is soo good all. the. time.
p.s.
and your kids are SUPER blessed to have a mama who wants to give the best of herself to them. When I read your blog, I so connect to and admire your passion and love for life and motherhood. You inspire me!
I am wiping tears off my keyboard.
I so needed this. Just tonight, I had "one of those nights"…when the baby did nothing but hang like a monkey off me, the girls were arguing…and Kyler- man where is Kyler? Never good. ha! See I can laugh now, because they're all tucked peacefully into bed. But I can seriously just feel my blood boil on those hard days in the midst of the chaos. Life can get the best of me and I don't like that. I want my FAMILY to have the best of me. Every day. Because in the blink of an eye it's gone.
I have no advice. I'm still learning. But I can say that prayer in the midst of it goes a long way for me. And I constantly remind myself of "the bigger picture". Will this moment matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Because sometimes it is the "little stuff"…and other times it something that needs to be addressed.
I say all of this…but the truth is that I fall flat on my face sometimes. And that's when I realize that I need more time with my heavenly father. When I fill up of Him, I always come away with more to give.
But all of this you know, Sara. Sometimes it's just nice to hear a reminder. And thank God for grace, grace, grace. I need it and I appreciate it, haha!
He is soo good all. the. time.
p.s.
and your kids are SUPER blessed to have a mama who wants to give the best of herself to them. When I read your blog, I so connect to and admire your passion and love for life and motherhood. You inspire me!
i've written about this before, being "that mom."
i'm discovering that the more i choose to look for grace the easier it is to find.
last week for my birthday blessings my family sat at the table and gave me their blessings for the year (this a family tradition). michael praised the ways i was learning to "not sweat the small stuff." emilie told me i had become "a lot more gracious over the last year."
keep seeking grace friend. keep growing in it, bit by bit, until grace consumes you. until your old habits that you typically fall back to become your grace habits.
much love!