I smiled as I watched them.
They were giggling, chasing one another. Round and round they went ponytails bouncing, girly squeals filling the air.
Soon both their little legs grew tired and they sat in the sand filling up their buckets and digging for treasures. I could hear them chatting happily together as they played.
They had the park all to themselves. They could run freely and leave their sand toys scattered around as they pleased.
After a few minutes, a new little friend wandered over. She sat down beside them and immediately picked up a spare shovel and started digging for treasures too.
And my girls didn’t blink.
They shared their toys and included their new friend in their conversation. They talked about building a princess castle. Chatted about Dora and then about my daughters new pink shoes. They quickly formed a new friendship and loved this little girl like they knew her.
I tried to picture this same exchange happening to a couple of adults. Let’s say you and a friend were sitting together having coffee and a “new friend” (someone you had never met) came over, pulled up a chair and joined in the conversation. Let’s say you had some “toys” like maybe your laptop or knitting needles with you and your new friend casually picked them up and started playing with them too. I am pretty sure strange looks would be exchanged. Nervous laughter perhaps. Maybe a question like “um…. can we help you?”
Why are children so carefree? So wiling to accept someone new? So loving?
Why is it so easy for my children to form friendships and so painfully hard for me?
Truth be told, I have trouble making friends. It doesn’t come easily for me. I have been hurt. And I am sure have done some hurting. I have been rejected. And I am sure have done some rejecting.
I don’t have a lot of close friends. I have lots of women that I know but not a lot who I would show every side of me. I am afraid to show the ugly in me. To have someone love me in spite of it. To walk with me. Talk me through the rain filled seasons. Be there. Know me. Love me- for me.
It’s my own fault. I don’t know how to open myself up to friendships anymore. I don’t know how to love like my girls do.
To immediately welcome someone into my life and share my toys with them.
To be real.
I need to learn how to open my heart like my girls.
I know how to be real in writing. I know how to articulate how I feel in words. But, sometimes I think I hide behind that.
Sometimes I think it’s so much easier to lay it all out on this blog and be vulnerable to you guys than to open myself up in a face to face relationship. Which is probably why I feel like you guys know me better then a lot of friends (who don’t read my blog) do. In all honesty I am super shy and afraid of what people who DO know me and read my blog think of what I write. I am always surprised and humbled when they mention they enjoyed something I wrote.
As we were walking home from the park that day my three year old chirped “My new friend is so nice. She’s a girl, Mommy! I like her!”
So simple.
So genuine.
Unguarded.
Unafraid.
Love.
She’s not worried about what her new friend thinks of her. She’s not judging how she looks or even how she acts. She just welcomes her openly and shares her shovel. And for about an hour they play happily together and wave to one another when it’s time to go.
I am learning how to love from my girls.
How to accept others. How to be genuine. How to let my guard down and not be afraid to let friends in.
How to truly build friendships.
What about you? Do you make friends easily? Or do you tend to guard your heart too?
I love Jesus, my guy Chris + our four. We seek joy. Homeschool. Adventure together. Mess up and start again.
what a beautiful lesson from your girls. It takes me a long time to make friends… so it's extra hard when the friends that I do have move or I do… 🙁 I'm not looking forward to starting over with new friends, but I know God will provide for me, just as He will for you.
Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog post. Nice to meet you!
and these words struck a chord with me. I am better now, but still.
and blogging is unique in this way. I know it doesn't replace IRL friends, and yet it is a blessing I never would have imagined.
oh Sara – are you sure you didn't jump into my head/heart, jot down what you saw, jumped on here and put it into words…because this is exactly how I feel! I find writing my thoughts easier than speaking them (probably why I"m not a very good phone talker) and can hide behind my blog at times too.
On a friendship level, I am blessed to have the friends I do, but making new friends? Wow. I find that extremely hard. I have a very soft heart, am easily hurt, have been hurt tremendously in the past because of my soft heart and as such tend to be quite guarded when I do meet new people. Most of the close friends I have are people I have known for the majority of my life. But I must say, I don't feel guarded with you at all, and we have only known each other a short while. I am so glad to have met you and look forward to getting to know you even more.
And the next time we pull our knitting needles out (because you ARE a knitter now, don't you know!!) we'll have to look around and see if anyone would like to join us 🙂
Oh and one last thing on my extremely long comment – your portrait of your girls just makes my heart sing. I had tears in my eyes as I started reading your post – thinking of their two little heads bent down together, sharing laughter and fun. I look at your girls and get such insight into how much mine have to look forward to. I am coming to the very quick conclusion that there is nothing in the world as sweet as sisters!
Once again, thank you for sharing your eloquent, vulnerable, beautiful heart. Bless you, friend 🙂
me too sara. exactly how i feel.
you said "i don't open myself up to friendship anymore." the "anymore" is me too.
this week has been especially hard for me. there was a lot of ugly in me. ugly shows itself when you are with people other than your immediate family. i'm now finding myself so disappointed in my ugly. and i just want someone (a friend) to wrap their arms around me, love me, and say they "really see me," they don't see the ugly.
need grace.
miss grace.
beautiful post.
Beautiful!! I love that picture you gave of us adults meeting a stranger in a coffee shop.
I would say I am pretty vulnerable with people…BUT i want people to be able to do this with me. So I guess, I am still learning how to be an amazing friend. Thank you for sharing this!!
I agree with Prairie Girl. Did you jump into my head? I have trouble making new friends too. I am very blessed to have a few really close girlfriends from high school and college that I have remained very close with, mainly from forging bonds going through difficult times – miscarriages, the death of a child, the death of a parent, and happy times – marriage, healthy children, loving Jesus, etc. We recently moved into a new development and also joined a new church and I feel desperate to make connections with women. I should mention that only one of my good close friends lives locally – the others live at least three hours away. One of my neighbors is the wife of our local University's Navigator's ministry and I really really want to get to know her but I am so scared she won't like me. I have to force myself to go talk to her. Like you, I find it so much easier to open up in writing. (Obviously) because I could never say this to my neighbor! 🙂 I pray that God opens up opportunities for you to make close female friendships, and courage for to reveal yourself.
By the way, thank you for praying for Henry!
i am crying right now. this is beautifully written and definitely spoke right to my heart because this is ME!
i don't let people get very close because i have been hurt. i keep them at a distance to protect myself but then i lose out on the beauty of friendship. i will say i have found it easier to make friendships through blogging/online and be real, ugly, and truthful. it is strange isn't it? i feel like those people will still love and care for me because i know that they have shown their vulnerability in their writing. does that make sense? for me it is true. the online friends i have met in real life have exceed my expectations for becoming real life friends. it is a blessing and an answer to prayer in an unconventional fashion :o)
I missed you! I had to get online and see updates. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am amazed at all you've been up to.
Your homeschooling adventures for the summer…I am definitely checking out the curriculum. So awesome!
Your photography business is going to be SO successful. I have seen from day one that you are super talented. Ummmm, wait. I'm wondering…is there ANYTHING you're not super good at? ha!
I loved how articulately you write this post. We would SO be great friends, if only we weren't thousands of miles apart? 🙂 You have a heart of gold, Sara. I know that all you have to do is open it to someone, and they would be honored to share friendship.
I got up early, before my kiddos, so I could get online and see what you are up to. I am itching to see your photography blog. I'm praying for you, Sara. For a prosperous photography venture and wonderful summer with your family.
p.s.
those vacation photos were out of this world!! The one of you holding hands with your hubby, looks canvas worthy. Great job!
oh Sara – are you sure you didn't jump into my head/heart, jot down what you saw, jumped on here and put it into words…because this is exactly how I feel! I find writing my thoughts easier than speaking them (probably why I"m not a very good phone talker) and can hide behind my blog at times too.
On a friendship level, I am blessed to have the friends I do, but making new friends? Wow. I find that extremely hard. I have a very soft heart, am easily hurt, have been hurt tremendously in the past because of my soft heart and as such tend to be quite guarded when I do meet new people. Most of the close friends I have are people I have known for the majority of my life. But I must say, I don't feel guarded with you at all, and we have only known each other a short while. I am so glad to have met you and look forward to getting to know you even more.
And the next time we pull our knitting needles out (because you ARE a knitter now, don't you know!!) we'll have to look around and see if anyone would like to join us 🙂
Oh and one last thing on my extremely long comment – your portrait of your girls just makes my heart sing. I had tears in my eyes as I started reading your post – thinking of their two little heads bent down together, sharing laughter and fun. I look at your girls and get such insight into how much mine have to look forward to. I am coming to the very quick conclusion that there is nothing in the world as sweet as sisters!
Once again, thank you for sharing your eloquent, vulnerable, beautiful heart. Bless you, friend 🙂
i am crying right now. this is beautifully written and definitely spoke right to my heart because this is ME!
i don't let people get very close because i have been hurt. i keep them at a distance to protect myself but then i lose out on the beauty of friendship. i will say i have found it easier to make friendships through blogging/online and be real, ugly, and truthful. it is strange isn't it? i feel like those people will still love and care for me because i know that they have shown their vulnerability in their writing. does that make sense? for me it is true. the online friends i have met in real life have exceed my expectations for becoming real life friends. it is a blessing and an answer to prayer in an unconventional fashion :o)