Today I am sad.
I am missing my mom.
I am really missing her.
Every year on this day my heart hurts.
April 13th.
It is the anniversary of the day she lost her battle with cancer.
It’s been 17 years and I miss her.
I really miss her.
I am missing her smile.
Her smell.
Her laugh.
I missed her while the kids searched for Easter eggs (she was always as excited as we were to get up early and search for eggs.)
I missed her as we gathered around for Easter dinner. I could almost see the sparkle in her eye as she told a story. I could almost hear her laugh.
I missed her as I watched my kids play. I tried to imagine how she would be around my kids. I could picture her playing trains with our boy, dancing with our big girl, and cuddling with our baby.
What would her relationship with Chris look like? I am certain that he would love her, and she would love him. I can just hear her laughing at his jokes.
Oh, how I miss her! What I would give for one more day with her.
When I was growing up I hated this day. April 13th. The day I shut down. My friends all knew not to bother me on this day. I grew quiet and reserved as my heart broke. I hardly spoke. I didn’t smile. I buried myself in the overwhelming feeling of grief.
This is no longer the case.
Yes, I am sad.
Yes, I miss her.
But my hope is now found in Jesus. He is the one who gives me strength to get through days like today. It is in His lap that I fall and cry my tears of sorrow. It is in His peace that I can rest. It is His grace that gets me through…..
Today I read a beautiful post by Amy and found myself crying as I read. I am so sad for her loss. I can relate to her pain. I feel it too. Especially around Easter. Especially today.
Amy shared this song on her post and I just bawled as I listened.
“I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.
After listening to this song I went to search for it so that I could post it here and found a video of Chris Tomlin explaining why he wrote this song. Take a listen. So beautiful.
Thank you Lord, that you have overcome!
I WILL RISE, when you call my name…
No more sorrow! No more pain!
I love Jesus, my guy Chris + our four. We seek joy. Homeschool. Adventure together. Mess up and start again.
I absolutely LOVE this song (posted it on Easter!). Moves me to tears every time I hear it. The truth of those words — no more sorrow, no more pain — my soul aches to experience that; what a joy and hope we have in Him. I’m glad you’ve been blessed by these words too.
I think the only thing worse than losing a loved one, is losing them around a holiday. Holidays are always so full of family. And Easter, well as Christians, there’s so much emotion involved already…
I’m sorry that you’re missing your mom. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I’m still adjusting to this new reality of being without my dad. I hate that my kids won’t know him.
It’s after midnight and I’m rambling now… sorry.
((hugs))
beautiful post.
mercy me has a song “finally home”
which shares of reunion in Heaven.
the chorus is beautiful and simple, repeating over and over “when i finally make it home.”
but the bridge is what grabs me each time
“And the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear, are the Voices of the angels.”
(Chris Tomlin touched on this thought in the second video).
oh how sweet that sound will be!
to me though that sound will be the sweetest because it will be filled with voices i ache and long to hear (for you your mother) for me a son,my grandfather, a friend.
what a chorus that will be!
Oh Sara – I am so sorry about your Mom. But that day is coming. No more sorrow. No more pain. Until then…you have a Lord who knows every tear that falls.
Hugs to you!